Feeling like I’m expendable and mocked if I should say so
Suppress me
Till the silence invites the comfort my honesty interferes with
I’m no one of consequence and faking a sense of belonging
Just a work horse and a lost cause
Cash the checks without the bill of attention
Lost affections left on an unpaid tab
Drink from me till you get your fill
Then tuck me away when I’m just a tool at your convenience
All I think I want and unmet expectations
Dismiss me, it’s just words and I’m just overthinking
Who am I to ask for anything when all I’ve done is take
Love isn’t what we merit but the inherent worth of who we are
Lost for what lacks and hungry, I crave
When my heartbeats broken, innocence to an early grave
Don’t throw out the love with the monster
Frustrations filter of bad perceptions
Am I misreading the blood on your hands
Crimson as the roses through which you self perceive
You boast in your own goodness but it seems like you’re deceived
I’m one to talk
What big teeth and eyes in the mirror
Going nowhere fast when I’m locked in a cage revolving around me
Like a ginny pig in a hamster wheel
This cyclical testing game of my will to endure
Destination undetermined when desires conflict with what’s pure
Spelling out my dreams in prayers that feel like they go unheard
As I whisper to a void that echoes back the longing of every single word
Are these purposes in vain and just what are we entitled to
When we capsize for the unending want
Trying to build a house and make home in all we do
When I’m caught in the middle of all the ways that taunt
Applying faith for what feels like keep away promises on the terms of my character refined
What is the mountain that I’m trying to move but the sickness of my own twisted frame of mind
Do these blessings wait on the other side of my will to obey?
When to crucify is to cruci-fix all that is broken
Healing and providence by way of what we can quantify
Settling for consolation prize answers in place of high hopes for hit and miss miracles
When all we do is mask the effects of the incurable
Waiting for a backlog lottery ticket of sympathizer compensations
Debt cancellations on the terms of bittersweet irony
When life takes all we save, it’s a race to survive that finds us dying to live again…