Melissa Flores

April 2nd, 1977-Utah
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Not Real but held accountable

Sometimes I feel like I'm not real. Sometimes I feel as though I'm watching myself aimlessly attempt to recreate what is considered living. The space in between some of the hours that pass by without acknowledgment captures and seizes me!
Where was I? Were you where I was?
Please bottle my memories as i reconcile them to be. There you will find a lot of confusion. I wasn't lost, yet I couldn't find you.
My light blinded Me it was so mesmerizing and better than your reality as a whole, think I'll stay in my hole.
Here I find comfort. You can't see me here, you cannot revel in my own dichotomy of my very own contrast of my true self. As to what that is? couldn't tell you. I don't know what that means.
It just means what you thought Is not what I intended or could ever have imagined to be.
I smiled while you smirked, I breathe while you gasp. I touch while you grasp.
At times I dont know what I'm supposed to be or do with this self. Do I stand, do I walk, am I supposed to be creating and planning. That's fine just tell me what it is I'm supposed to create and plan and I can do it otherwise I'm vast.
In some deep sense I was created to fulfill others needs, wants and desires. And I find fulfillment in that, there i find a script. Yet I'm not given the last chapter was it meant to be a joke. you bring me thus far and then say, go wander in the desert for the next 40 years. I blinked It's been 40 years now what?
Oh wait there it is! I was given 40 years, what I did with it was up to me I was given choice was given free will and I choose to believe myself blameless! how dare !!
Coward! You're only supposed to rise above your own self. I can only make face for so long. Before it becomes a lie. But a lie to who? Maybe you see what I don't. Maybe see what i want you to. That would take deception I'm unable to birth deceit. Because a seed has to be planted and fed and watered and loathed to create that kind of illusion
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