Am I beautiful?
Your daughter asks.

Her birthday was two days ago,
Six candles on top of
Sugary pink frosting.

She grinned then, with
The sun in her eyes,
Because nothing else mattered,
But her next meal and the
Newest toy she’d seen on TV.

Your daughter,
She looked into your eyes,
Her own glossy and wide,
Am I beautiful?

Yes! you say,
yes and yes and yes.
Because you love her and
You wouldn’t love
Anyone who was ugly.

So yes, you wipe the tears from her face.

It was the boys at school
Who plucked those drops
From her eyes.
You are kind of hideous?
Or maybe it was her grandma—your mother—
Who pinched her cheeks and said
You are growing everyday. Too much.
Too much fat on those
Young promising bones.

Yes
You say. She was 6,
Too young to worry
About whether she was pretty—
To worry if she’d
Love and be loved
The way people do click.

She’s thirteen now.
Your daughter looks into store windows
And bathroom mirrors
And frowns every time .

No and no and no
They bellow.

When she sits,
She notices
Her stomach rolls
Like tally marks
Of days trapped
In the prison of her body.
No, no, no.

Am I beautiful?
She asks the reflection
Blinking back at her with
Mackerel dead eyes.

The answer is always the same.

But when she skips lunch,
There are whispers in her ear.

They say
Yes and yes and yes

They say
If you’re hungry just
Chew some gum,
Flood your stomach
With diet soda.

The trash cans
No longer hold
Bloodied pads nor
Soaked through tampons.

She walks until
She sees the stars
In her eyes, thinks:
This is what it is like
To find God.

To find faith,
But only faint enough
To mistake for salvation.

Because there will
always be a
no and a no and a no.
No matter how many
Meals she skips
Or pounds she drops

Or men who lick their
Lips as she walk by and holler:
You’re too cute
To look so frowny or
Has anyone put
A ring on that finger yet?

She smiles despite
The bile rising in her
Throat because these
Men are 10, 20, 30
Years older than her but

At least they say
Yes.

She absorbs yes’s like
Cocaine—it only comforts
For a few moments before
You realize the world is still
Burning, but you can’t get
Enough.

Yes and yes and yes,
Maybe this time it will last.

Yes and yes and yes,
You said, your
Daughter was six.

But I was your
Daughter, and I wish
You hadn’t said that.

I wish you’d said,
It doesn’t matter
Whether you are
Beautiful because
No one loves someone
For eye candy,
And no one’s love
Will ever fill the chasm
In your chest.