The King had sent captains of the army...
Their sins and their lawlessness, I'll remember
No more. I have blotted out, like a thick cloud,
Your transgressions, and like a cloud, your sins.

My strength is made perfect in weakness,
There is but a step between me and death.
I'll be exalted among the nations,
I'll be exalted in the earth.

I'll never leave you nor forsake you.
Today, you'll be with me in Paradise.
I am the way. Do business till I come.
I am the way. Follow me.

Where there is no tale-bearer, strife ceases.
This is the middle way, this is the eightfold path
This is the way to the end of suffering.

Right view

Right view is the precursor of the entire path.
Right view provides the right practice.
Right view leads to a virtuous life.
Right view comes at the end of the path.
Right view requires you to know
that the dying always look up to the sky
and therefore you must get ready to shell hospitals.

Right intention

Birth is suffering, aging is suffering,
Sickness is suffering, death is suffering,
Sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief
and despair are suffering,
Association with the unpleasant is suffering,
Separation from the pleasant is suffering,
Not to get what one wants is suffering.
For the instant cessation of their suffering
Right intention requires the carpet bombing
Of the fleeing masses.

Right speech

Right speech is about the absence of wrong speech.
Abstain from falsehood, abstain from slander,
Abstain from harsh speech, abstain from idle chatter.
Speech can break lives and start wars,
so its best to pull out of the peace talks.

Right action

Right action means refraining from unwholesome deeds
that occur with the body as their main means
of expression. Do not take life,
Do not take what is not given,
Do not indulge in sexual misconduct.
The celibate Buddha and his monks
never spilled any semen and it is our bounden duty
to make up for that by raping every woman in sight.

Right livelihood

The Buddha mentions five kinds of livelihood
which bring harm to others that must be avoided.
The first tells one to avoid dealing in weapons
so please get India and China to gift those toys.

Right effort

Right effort requires a wholesome form of energy.
Dispelling dullness calls for a special effort
to arouse energy through the visualization
of a brilliant ball of light or reflection on death.
For desire, a remedy of general application
is meditation on impermanence to knock away
the underlying property of clinging.
To get rid of dullness let light into the lives
of your enemies through luminous bombs
and to get rid of their desire for one another
bulldoze their bunkers and this will be the last time
they cling to each other.

Right mindfulness

The first step in right mindfulness involves
the contemplation of the body and the last step
in the mindfulness of the body involves a series
of cemetery meditations which necessitates dreaming
of death and decomposition of the human body.
Meditate on the mass graves in Chemmani and Mulllivaikkal.

Right concentration

Right concentration implies seclusion
from sensual pleasures and reining in the unruly mind.
Right concentration is achieved through training
so work hard to estimate the exact amount of napalm
Or white phosphorous for sky-showers
To grant nirvana to the Tamil people,
For blessed are they who get to breathe
The Laughing Buddha's Laughing Gas.