Matthew Conrad

May 15, 1986 - Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski
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you must (志)

.this is hardly an example of a millennial explaining something with patronißing over-tones... let's say: a thought-experiment, solipsism is more a thought-experiment, than an fixation of non-fluctuation idea, solipsism is simulated autism... that being said, if this is a thought-experiment, then me, making it public, allows for a quasi-voyeurism: after all, i just found something, that i didn't find before... imagine... the english stand on a genesis in a fixed ideology beginning with a body from africa and a mind from india... and here i am, a western slav... bewildered with the chink... armed with a knife and fork and chop-sticks... wouldn't the concept of reincarnation imply, that there were and always will only a fixed number of people? trust borrowing a theology from a people, that didn't actually invent any culinary discipline of eating, the most tasty food in the world... chop-stick man, what do you say, via the mongol? chop-stick man says to the fork-and-knife man... well: if i could... i'd try using something else, than what i already use to wipe my ass.

i became tired of american
familiarism literature...

like i would ever become
familiar with some part
of new york;

i'm shackled to england,
surrogate mother,
and i'm not planning
to abandon her
on some fucking whim...

yes... i will use slurs,
foul words etc.,
but... do a drag queen act?
american literature
and this, whole, itchy...
you familiar with
the upper-east side,
the lower blah blah...
talking claustrophobic
geography,
what a load of: bollocks...

oh but do you know
bower wood?
no... that part of the woods
where you turn left and then
after a while: right,
and you're... walking...
beer in hand, in between
one song finishing,
and another song beginning
on your headphones...
and you hear...

a satanic ritual
taking place?
and then... a throng of murmurs...
and... you take two steps back...
turn around: and start running?
that part?

'well, you were the one walking
through that part of the woods
screaming like a hellhound
a few weeks past...
walking as if:
blind to the darkness
of the forest:
but able to recount steps from...
returning from almost being
kicked in the head by a horse:
that started nibbling on your
hand, "thinking" it was an apple,
i.e. you crazy! i'm not going
to nibble on your hand,
"i thought" it was an apple!'

true:
fuck it, screaming into a pillow
will not do rage enough
justice...
you need the full orchestra...
the night...
and a forest...

- well it's not like i did something
spectacular...
like climbing the matterhorn
or something...
i took my heart into the forest
and screamed my native
tongue, which is "dormant"
beneath this,
facade (ç / ς) of acquired english...

notably...
myśl (both a verb,
and a noun...
some languages just don't bother
with prepositions akin to: to)...

now... for all the "diacritical" markers
in the english language... i, j,

in other languages you'd have
to... challenge the orthographic
aesthetic...
namely?

e.g. musisz (you must)
(second-person singular
present of) musieć

towing he she and whatever...
funny...
gender neutral pronouns...
the gay-fest not enough,
they had to come and
give a bollocks about grammar?

musieć: past-participle
(or at least, that's what i think it is)...

"aesthetic" vs. orthography...
depends...
what does the dot above the iota
actually do?
oh, right... nothing!

all of these are actually right:

□ □ □ □
□ musisz □
□ muśιsz □
□ muśιš □
□ musiš □
□ □ □ □ □

(phonetically,
they're all the same)

bloody square:
so "un-geometric" when
writing it involved...
huh? the four examples rule...

as if that was magic...
the semites do their magic act
with vowels...
the english have
covered the Y...

while i... tend to focus
on the stressors
of idiosyncracy that others
take for granted...

granted... i did hide a Z in slavic,
or an H in anglo using
the caron over S(š)...
sharp objects...

maybe i haven't learned
enough languages,
or maybe i just became entrenched
in two, to observe this...
say what you will:
western slavic,
with its clear syllable cutting
of words...
coupled with its orthographic
pedantry: that's omnipresent
among almost every single
individual of the ethnicity...

it's like joining a fucking army...
you can't wipe your ass
without someone telling
you prior,
that you're just about to shit
your trousers...
head over to england,
and everything is lax...
sure... hell...
dyslexia whatnot...
and grammar nazis...

i am a grammar nazi...
i have to be,
either that, or i'm just plain ol'
pedantic...
it's either one,
or the other...

ezra pound had his chink-wink
obsession...
i still think:
for such an elaborate phonetic
encoding,
志: zhì (ź),
will - zheng (źeng)
(whatever nietzsche said,
mencius had it covered)
either that constricts thinking,
or it posits a focus on thinking,
that, that sort of phonetic encoding...

considering that
the H is a surd in all of this...

which is great... for someone who
reads latin script,
this elevated position...
but i guess the mundane
everyday conversations,
with this elaborate encoding
must, somehow...

well... evidently some Mongolian
influences...
in the language
that sits beneath these written
words in english.
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