Matthew Conrad

May 15, 1986 - Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski

Macbeth

before i pull this one out of my ass (again - listen, these words are not coming from either head or heart, it's best to pull them from the bowels, a gut-wrenching-feeling is more potent than that "something" that "something" delusional pulled from a clenched heart... as far as i know, the brain is incapable of emotions, it doesn't understand them, and since it doesn't understand them: it ridicules them)... which brings me to point:

(a) perhaps the idea of a soul is out-dated... why wouldn't it be, 21g worth of breath does not equal a soul... hence the autopsy of man, each detail studied seperately, the cardiologist knows the heart, the neurologist the brain etc., but some items work in a solipsistic mode... the heart is robotic, automaton pump queen (and not the kind of pump you'd get from Shveeden) - thump thump thump! come to think of it, most of our bodies are robotic, automated... lucky for me: i don't have to think about the heart doing what it does, it just per se does it... i'm not even sure i'm gifted with the a.i. brain functions... but there's an underlying principle that governs all of these items... some call it the self... i prefer: the Σ ultimatum... some would call it soul... but there has to be something akin to the Σ ultimatum that allows me to become detached from this body, while at the same time be bound to it: high blood pressure, heart attack on the horizon... take the high blood pressure pills... shit... what was (b)? oh... yes...

(b) i'm sorry, virginity doesn't cut it for me, lucky me that it was isabella of grenoble that allowed me to move aside from: god, prior to losing my virginity.... roxette: do you feel excited, you're still the one (shanaia twain), fade to black - metallica... i was such a romantic before i lost this dreaded curse... i was a romantic... 19th century style romanticism... but you really can see past this sort of romanticism unless you haven't fucked... these days the right complains about cultural marxism: plenty of things to complain about... it makes as much sense as a pickle in a dollop of custard... or cooking with pale indian ale to make a stew: bad idea... wine, brandy, cider? fine... beer? terrible idea to cook with... but unless you haven't lost your virginity, you can't see what cultural marxism chose as its opponent: cultural darwinism... you know how little you hear about darwinism outside of the english speaking world? zero to none, yes, it's an accepted fact, but this fact does not permeate outside of the fact per se, the fact contains itself and the whole subsequent narrative because subconsciously stored... no other people than the people who found it ensure there are subplot proof statements of a reconfirmation of the validity... the whole social science bogus trap of rating people on looks... contradicting the meritocracy of that old Socratic saying: let me be as beautiful on the inside as on the outside... if you haven't fucked: you're still the same old romantic i was at puberty... once you fuck... well... cultural marxism dwarfs... yes yes it's there... so? but at the same time you can at least appreciate seeing the antithesis: cultural darwinism... the romantic needs to die the most carnal death via experience... all my ideals were shattered, this perfection of woman... i very much liked the idea / not even the ideal of a woman... but when the idea fizzled out and there was no ideal to begin with... i saw cultural darwinism for the very first time and... it was as ugly as cultural marxism so heavily criticized by the conservative right of the west... so... i decided to walk the middle ground, ignoring both sides (of the argument).

(c) i wouldn't have come up with a point see, unless my favorite square schematic didn't pop into my mind, Kantian, as ever: the best philosophy is the antithesis of English pragmatism and overt-politicisation, so it has to be German, ergo? i will not explain these terms, i figured: if i nail a decent example to fit each category, that's enough: since you can then visualize the concept via the example:

analytical a priori
there's a need to throw
a ball at
a target
­
synthetic a priori
learning
to throw a ball
at a target once
the need has been
­ established...

synthetic a posteriori
there's a need to
throw a ball at
a target, in order
to perfect this need...
analytical a posteriori
perfecting to throw
a ball at a target

baseball..­. cricket...
at least: that's how i define knowledge of something
simple without having to use mathematics
that Kant used to explain... 2 + 2 = 4...
mathematics isn't exactly a man's best friend
at explaining philosophy...
you write philosophy that alligns itself
to mathematics... no wonder: moths in books...
yawns, unfinished works...
i found that sports work just as well
as mathematics... and you have the already
primitive objects to work with...
rather than pseudo-objects: i.e. numbers...
the abstracts of perception: i'm actually 6ft2...
not 6ft1... karolína plíšková is 6ft1...
as noted when watching her today...

i'll admit, i'm always a bit shaky when it comes
to this sqaure, whether it's over-simplified,
notably the top left corner: analytical a priori,
i'm always of a mindset that wants to associated
this definition with: analytical a- priori...
i.e. borrowing from atheism:
to analyse something without there
being a prior to example...
analysis without a prior example...
i guess that's the mojo of science... the driving force...
back to sports... bow and arrow...
tools: target...
whether a bow and arrow and a deer
to begin with...
or a hand and ball and a wicket to end with...

there's a need to throw
a ball at a target...

and cricket was the precursor of
baseball, but prior to cricket?
there was archery...
and prior to archery...
there was forever a fundamental need,
e.g. to go from point X to point Z...
see... as much as Kant wanted...
numbers don't really solve the "problem"
of explaining something: algebra would be
better suited... x + y = z...
with numbers either hovering
above, or below (in the instance of chemistry's
subscript)...

talking of squares... sūdoku...
well, if at any time the french were to receive a hard-on
in terms of inventing something,
the english: rugby, cricket, football, tennis...
the french really did read some of the hebrew
qabbalah literature, as i am doing...
magic squares...
the secular version of this puzzle
first appeared on july 6, 1895 (the modern version)...

it came to us from India and China...
again... why do western cultural darwinists
always tell our genesis from
the perspective of: "out of Africa"?
aren't there elephants in India?
i will not believe i originated in Africa,
i'm not an "out of Africa" sorry state of
incompetence... i place my origins in
the sub-continent... at least that's where my
current language originates from...
the great migration across the Siberian tundra,
rather than some African savannah...
after all the Bangladeshi and the Sri Lankans
(the tear of India) resemble burnt cinnamon
in tone, some even as dark skinned as
east africans...
if the germanic people want to stick to
the "out of Africa" narrative (notably the English):
let them have it... i place my origins in
India...

never mind, now i'll write a name's dropping
history of how july 6th, 1895 happened...
the "magic" squares...

from either India or China (chess from India)...
moschopulus of contantinople
introduced them (the "magic" squares)
in the early 1400s... apparently ancient qabbalists
had knowledge of them
(so... a trip well spent)...
rabbi joseph tzayah (1505 - 1573)
magnum opus: responsa...
rabbi joseph castro: avkat rokhel...
tzayah in jerusalem wrote his major work
Evven HaShoham (the onyx stone) - 1538 -
a year later the book: tzeror ha-chaim discussing
the Talmud: he never really bothered about
the Zohar...
the hebrai word for "letters": otiot...
divided into two:
tav aleph (a line of aleph)
and tav yod (a line of yod)...
one is to never concentrate
upon the keter within the realm of the sefirot...
hence the matisyahu expression:
king without a crown...
one example of a "magic" square
later dictated into a 9 x 9 newspaper puzzle?
2 9 4
7 5 3
6 1 8 (up down across = 15...
my date of birth? 15th may 1986,
no coincidence, just stating an oblivion's
worth of a "point)... 15 x 3 = 45...
and that's about as significant as any
insignificance can be...

album of choice?
old horn tooth - from the ghost grey depths...

and without even associating the arabs
to the hebrai practice of gamatria,
i once inquired an old pakistani (who tried to convert me)
what: Alif, Lam, Meem
implied in the opening of the al-baqarah sutra
implied?
he replied: god knew...
so i thought, you don't know what
alif (letter) what lam (letter) and meem (also a letter)
means? you have to search for god
for the answers? good look making me into
a proselyte... mind you:
if the jews abhor proselytes,
while the muslims are so so oh so fucking
welcoming... isn't that a tad bit suspicious?
how can a muslim convert me
when he can't explain to me what
alif lam and meem implies at the opening
of al-baqarah?!
let's play some hijāʾī order game...
and the three letters...
28 letters in total...
alif (28), lam (6), meem (5)...
i'm not even going to go into the gamatria
mental gymnsastics related to any
"significance"...
point was made upon the question being
asked... if a muslim tries to covert you...
and he can't explain to you
the significance of alif lam meem at the beginning
of al-baqarah... they're letters...
well... how is he going to explain to you
what's bothersome about those letters
to begin with? ALM... does that imply: zakat?!
to give alms? zakat being one of the pillars
of islam?
fuck me... i haven't even converted
and it would appear: i know more than the person
who tried to convert me!

.i. Yuri Gagarin and the yo-yo

if ever the potency of a "keyboard crusader"
existed, it's now -
i can dangle a mouse above a bear-trap
and tell an elephant of a phobia concerning
mice any day of the week,
when in fact i'm talking about
a mousetrap: nothing more.
hence the exaggeration in the imagery
comparison:
or it begins with a story told in the 20th
century:
when women put down their mascara
brushes, men put down their swords:
never mind the voice in the wilderness:
mind the voice in the crowd -
there's absolutely no reason to speculate
urbanity and tribal environments without
addressing, or regressing the crowd,
or as i like to call it: what Nietzsche said,
minus the Wake... but now inclusive of the wake
and the Bacchus cult of fun fun fun.
the Wake in condor terms?
we congregate praying for something to die...
i don't pretend to be whatever
that sachet of concrete-Cartesian labels entitles me
too: for the most part
people say 'i am' without a thought to
govern the rain shaman telling you what thought
is required to 'be', oh, a very old ontological
stipend: you need people to experience a collectivisation,
a herding, a "bound together" sort of mentality
before the critic arrives and says: well, that's not
what i'm really about.
a bit like the anus firs, mouth second
debacle...
but what heart they had, our predecessors!
what heart!
they'd wage war over a woman,
a Helen,
would you wage a war against
the feminist version of Helen these days?
would you pluck a Scottish thistle over an English rose?
true: you might be a bishop
and of lesser rank... but would you wage a war
over the women of these days?
my dick is in a pickle jar anyway! we have become
a sex of a species unburdened by an obligation...
finally! we can become eternal bachelors
sort of pissed off that we're here, and hear less and less
of sayings about the "things that matter".
you know what vile? really really vile?
oh i know my contemporaries when i bother to
hear them talk, oddly enough never bother when they
think, i'm quiet content with a Godot stage of
a park bench and an old man as my company,
i know Douglas Murray,
i know the wild-eyed Icke,
but a thing that concerns me is why: the safety room
parallel to the leftist thesis of offensive speech
was put in play when a discussion took off
concerning feminism, between milo yiannopoulus
and julie bindel - that's like saying:
ask a pederast to talk for a heterosexual man
with a woman safe-space...
no one wants to hear
the heterosexual side of the argument....
you'll sooner see heterosexual intellects have their
marriages come undone then get paired with either
side of the argument...
little richard is in the pickle jar anyway,
and he's not coming out...
it's a bit like Nazism for dummies....
hence i have to succumb to violence without
the glory, tongue waggling blah blah
when i'd gladly take a weapon and shove it into
a shattered cranium bone: had i the bloody chance to
do so!
no heterosexual is taken seriously:
and won't be:
of a woman to be like a rosy cushion on which
i can lay my head after the darkly toils of
roofing, or laying bricks, or excavating the sewers...
no! let the Chinese do that:
the basic argument of slavery, although imported
therefore bloody fucking fine.
cryogenic fathers,
pickled cocks: where's the middle in all of this?
a coconut just fell from the Boddhi tree:
money! and those that defend it,
don't know squat about the tribalism of squatters!
but hey! they have the bloody stage!
i have a bench when someone approaches me
and talk, doing the best thing possible:
knitting opinions -
i don't want the truth of opinions: i want a sweater,
or a pair of socks! that's metaphor for something
different altogether.
keyboard crusader? really? can i ask you for
directions to the high street, in every single town
across the country? i can't find one!
no one hears a heterosexual argument
on the various topics: because there isn't one -
as of the end of the 20th century,
working classes in the west striving to ensure
there is something mundane to do during the day
and kick back with the family in the evening
are the "inferior" neanderthals: who
haven't jacked into discovering a 3D reality
of what's otherwise a 2D computer screen and
aren't hooked on #crack;
honestly, so much debating ought to be opera,
and so much opera ought to be debating -
ah: that famous tingle of utopian paradoxes
never in duality, but always in dichotomy.
keyboard crusader?
really? i thought people were always moaning
about how many emails they receive:
and never a single postcard from, say,
someplace like Venice?
it's still early days,
and already we're brewing enough
cliches to replace all known nouns in
the surrogate mother that's the dictionary
of our completed version of a soul -
if ever to be experienced upon meeting the omni-vocabulary;
jigsaws, i know my idiosyncratic version
of events, he says photosynthesis within parameters
of photon deconstruction of hydrogen;
'cos' it's sub; d'uh! i say god i say this perfected
version of nearing telepathy - you say god i hope you
don't mean satan's clause - great anagram to frighten
children with: the Babushka surprise of a Pumpkin head
laughing it's way toward: how easy life would be
if we had all that time to think it through as being hard,
rather than that mortal fleetingness in both thought
and body.

ii. Macbeth

it really dawned on me, when i was watching the film
Macbeth (2015) -
there was an eeriness to it, a near perfection
of Shakespeare on screen...
honestly? i'd rather read Kant early on in life
while i have the vigour, and leave old age to Shakespeare...
but it truly was eerie all over the place.
i do recall seeing Romeo + Juliet
and reading the script, and imagining the fallacy
of word for word translation from theatre to cinema
of the script: the narrator a news channel anchor,
and everything said, word, for, word.
that film with DiCaprio as Romeo and Claire Danes
as Juliet - it just felt itchy, uncomfortable -
Shakespeare, word for word, on screen?!
(surprise, then astonishment, not !? or astonishment,
then the surprise, because: it didn't really work);
and it didn't! you can't adapt Shakespeare to the screen
and put everything in! i noticed it at that bloody
generous scene in Macbeth concerning the battle
of Ellon... so i was like like... this isn't typescript...
(and thank fuck it isn't) -
you can't depict Shakespeare word for word,
to be honest, Macbeth (2015) is the only worthy
translation of Macbeth (the text) into Macbeth (the movie);
all this scientific exactness in previous examples
like Romeo + Juliet, the Merchant of Venice
and a Midsummer's Night Dream don't work,
it's their precision making,
a theatre cast can take it, but a cinema going crowd,
with all these cutting and copying and repasting
succinct moments? it doesn't work!
maybe because there's no actual narrator in the staged
examples? narrator as a necessary character understudy:
surely Puck and the news anchor are there:
don't know about the Shylock scenario...
but these screen adaptations didn't work for me,
too rigid, too formal... in the case of Macbeth?
finally! the long awaited piquant version of Shakespeare:
all that matters, and the rest is thrown into
poetic technique: imagery, metaphor,
everything that's necessary can be given grammar
as image and not word!
want an example? from the text...
the Royal Shakespeare
from the text of Professor Delius
and introduction by f. j. Furnivall, ll.d.
vol. v (special edition)
Cassell & Company, Ltd.
sure, it feels like a Roman Polanski moment
akin to the 9th Gate scenic affair of a bibliophile
fetishist, and it is:

... (the only enemy of enso poetry
is the bladder) ...

well the screen play first:

banquo: what are these?
macbeth: live you? or are you aught
that man may question?
speak if you can - what are you?
1st witch: macbeth! hail to thee
thane of Glamis!
2nd witch: macbeth... hail to thee,
thane of Cawdor!
3rd witch: all hail Macbeth! that shalt be king in-after.

but such disparity, such rape as if once
of Lucretia, then of the authority,
for i have before me the original composition:
which is not worth cinema -
nonetheless, a rape takes place:
an assortment for the abdication of a king:
or as ever suggested: the wrong footed path:
never was tossing a coin in a gamble
that of tossing a crown into the air
for a court jester to appear less amusing
and more scolding.

act i, scene iii: post the battle of ellon...
if ever the refusal to give up Greek myth,
then Macbeth's witches
and Perseus' Graeae -
or naturalise a myth:
like you might not naturalise a strengthened
economy.... canonise the nation
with Elgin Marbles - Elgin: less than
what's said to be the exfoliation of the Aegean -
a municipality somewhere in Scotland:
west of Aberdeen, on the Northern Sea's
battering of the coast...
but word for word? or how to write Shakespeare
into cinema?
herr zensor must come into play -
you have to bypass imagery in poetic tongue
and relay it with actual images, a direly needed
necessity:

just after the three witches arrive,
enter Macbeth and Bonquo...

Macb. so foul and fair a day i have not seen.
Ban. how far is't call'd to Fores? - what are these,
so wither'd and so wild in their attire,
that look not like th' inhabitants o' the earth,
and yet are on 't?
live you? or are you aught that man may
question?
(how word for word, but the words
waggle from a different tongue, namely that of
Macbeth, and not that of Banquo, hence
italicised).
continuing:
you seem to understand me,
by each at once her choppy finger laying upon her
skinny lips: - you should be women, and yet your
beards forbid me to interpret that you are so.
Macb. speak, if you can - what are you?
the witches. all hail, Macbeth!
hail to thee, thane of Glamis!
all hail, Macbeth! hail to thee, thane
of Cawdor!
all hail, Macbeth! that shalt be king hereafter.

so does he really belong on the psychoanalytic
couch? is he really that necessarily wonton of talk?
Cawdor v. Gondor - it's an ongoing narrative.
but is he in need of a couch?
what sort of talk is talk when
in fact the only talk that's need to be said is the talk
of man's sexualised naturalisation for strife,
and here: as if knocking on a door:
you want to simply hear the onomatopoeia of
the Kabbalah in a woman gasping for breath
while puny Jewish boys under strict rabbinical
studies study?

mama, take this badge from me,
i can't use it, anymore,
it's getting dark, too dark to see,
feels like i'm knockin' on heaven's door -
my big mouth and man as a piston
Ferrari acrobat

(even the soundtrack is a shrill, a strangulation
variant of higher pitch of the bagpipes -
not that braveheart sodomy of whisking out
a song like for the love of a princess addition to:
and can i have a madonna to boot too?
it's piercing, a whale sonar above refrigerator
white noise hum for the new age Buddha -
and that's because all the poetry has been excavated
to suit cinema: not theatre).

and this is the first adaptation of Shakespeare i actually
could stomach...
the genius was in how Macbeth spoke the lines
of Bonqua - so the character didn't start smacking
the narrative heroin in terms of solipsism:
even Shakespeare can be attacked on this front...
if in the movie Banqua said all that was in
the typescript: the film wouldn't have worked...
i don't know what the big deal is with Lady Macbeth:
i thought that in the olden days
Macbeth suggested to King Duncan that:
can i leave the warring if you fuck my wife?
i can go on the contract that you fuck my wife
and i stop serving you?
first impressions: strange English.
well, i'm sure she's important as it might be said:
within the programme of Orthodoxy,
but never catholic (metadoxy) tradition of
saying: way hey! ensnare the mare in a funfair!
and play the game: pin the tale on the donkey!
heads or tails? it looks pretty damnable
in the first place: as all honesty hogs to pout and
snuff a hoggish sneeze out of the story.

iii. shaken, not stirred

and indeed, how many a times
did not a neon blossom sprout,
thinking it might rattle an oratory
with an oak in autumn, and behold
a swarm of leaves descend -
not out of passing ease,
but out of wishful thinking
that some indentation might be made:
with whom the hands of will reside,
and yet: to no gratifying effect,
to whatever atomic-centralisation
dream, be that ego or be it hydrogen
(lending hands: so too
electric or thus negative, neutral and
thus proto) - shake foundation
and give a revising repertoire of
the covering dust humanity
that once made famous: never
again to learn the humility of the start;
to whatever centric dream that
does not waver in demands of orientation,
be it father (sun), son (shadow)
or the holy spirit (night) -
make them earn! be obscure!
or simply say: in the community
of the stated congregation:
i find all to be as night,
and safer that plague the father:
i am not akin to the shadow:
but the shadow in mirror.
so, a centric dream that does not
waver in demands for orientation,
has ever or will be enthroned in man's
heart as the stability of Sabbath's demands
for less, oh so much less to agitate with!
as too, when the ancient appliances
were adorned by countless demands of
mimic, so too our modern
fibbles are to stage a usurping of
such things demanded and their mimic;
for with such disclosure does all fate
of anewed become burdened in what
history could be: shaken,
rather than simply a stirring of the void,
nothing more than the unburdening
of sweetening a cup of coffee, of that and
the layers: or bitter at the top, drank
through toward the sedimented sweetness -
and all that: hoping i could have retained
that silver spoon lodged in my ass
when i first met her and thought about
consolidating marriage: so fresh, eager prune
of the flesh embodiment as first
watered ash, then entombed in marble
and the eternal... ah
but it was all just the faintest of dreams;
so lumberjack sleep ensued,
as did a kindred worth ethic:
we are a long way from Eden...
there is but the idyll of the absurd fruition of
albreit macht frei... or a redefinement of
such stakes as: what occupies our days?
if not war, if not disease,
if not the Chinese... what does, occupy our days?
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