Orléans, the maid Jean (Żąn of Arc)...

i have made peace with the paganism revival
in the medium realm of music,
i once entertained the idea...
but upon watching Floki crawl into the heart
of the mountain
(vikings t.v. series)...
and seeing a cross at its base,
rather than a hammer of a dwarven
master smithy...
breaking down and crying...
and then recounting his ambitions?
for a people to adopt an approach of a people
to do not consider revenge?
him screaming, from the mountain's heart,
which resulted in a volvanic eruption...
what god was he seeking,
to begin with?
i moved from pop, rock, alt., punk
etc. into pagan revival music,
but i also transitioned from pagan revival
music into the realm of the templar chants,
byzantine chants, the gregorian...
and it was so soothing,
my faith, my heart lies with the music
that appeases me, my angers and my doubts...
it's not the most spectacular of examples,
but its the only honesty i can ever give,
i cry at beauty...
when i spent the whole night
watching the indian sea pillage and rape
the kenyan coast...
when i first heard ola gjeilo's ubi caritas,
when i first heard
vaughan william's fantasia on a theme
by thomas tallis...
it is so hard to cry when presented
with beauty...

i side with the christian chants...
akin to the gregorian: libera me domine...

after all... the post-roman scripts are
not pretty, esp. the english language
pretending to know the existence of orthography...
which it doesn't: given it has no diacritical
marker applicability...
hardly a diacritical marking system
if... ȷust so, as ι saιd... and also... they disappear
upon the CAPITAL STATED...
JUST LIKE, SO...

but at least the post-roman
latιn remaιns allow, more for a language to be
sung... than could ever be saιd...
hardly to claιm... ι, I, L, l...
(after all... what of the asiatic people?
they have a complex phonetic encoding
system,
last time i checked...
they drew beautifully...
but when it came to singing?
i find crows to croack
more beautifully than their peoples singing;
i guess you really need a castrato harem
of choir boys to reach the sort of pop
established by 20th century artists...
how almost wonderful...
castratos ascribed the governance
of song, rather than disgruntled harem whores)...

now... please excuse me, whιle ι translate
the lyrιcs of lιbera me domιne
(in pig latin)...

libera me domine
de mortem aeterna
in die illa tremenda
caeli movendi sunt et terra
dum veneris
judicare saeculum per ignem
tremens factus sum ego et timeo
dum discussio venerit
atque ventura ira
quando caeli vendi sunt et terra
dies illes dies irae
calamatis et miseriae
dies magna et amara valde
dum veneris
judicare saeculum per ignem
requiem aeternam dona eis domine
et lux per petua luceat eis
liber me domine
de morte aeterna...
in die illa tremenda...

free me lord
from death's eternity
into your godliness that's awe inspiring
(as also terrible)
heaven moves both sun and earth
while love judges heathenism
by fire
rest from the eternal gifts as
does the lord...
and the light from its "petulance"
to continue to shine...

will gregorian chants be censored?
templar chants? byzantine chants?
i tired of pop songs,
of 20th century "innovations"...

petua...
in english... the word implies:
advice...
ah!
et lux per petua luceat eis
and from seeking advice from the light
that shines!
so much for: petulance...

what a contradictory song...
still...
what's next,
they ban gregorian chants,
and fall flat praising and clapping
the next adhan?!

p.s. can it only be that in the vessel of
youth, one can escape toward a religious
ecstasy - unobstructed?
a simple example -
that british colonial fetish for all things
indian...
kula shaker - govinda -
if not the gods then most certainly
the cuisine -
that's what saved the blue indians of
the british raj: their civilized "eccentricities"...
but moreover: their cuisine...
if only the quakers and the whole
lot of them over in h'america
stamping on the red indians...
no one was willing to entertain
a godhead of a crow or an eagle...
since it wasn't attached to a human body...

i wish i could experience a christian
form of ecstasy...
as a monotheism -
to focus on a single god -
whereby the focus is on an image
rather than akin to the hebrew tetragrammaton
or the islamic: well... wriggly squiggle squiggle...
it becomes tiring...
a monotheism, a supposed monotheism
with only one god,
and tiresome imagery? too realistic imagery?
will eventually shit out images of aliens...
will eventually shit out warewolves
and vampires and zombies...
because? you can look at the depiction
of shiva... all day long...
and the list of the usual suspects:
ganesha, anubis, sun wukong...
i suspect christianity had to appeal
to the very human depiction
of the norsemen -
who: of all polytheistic religions...
didn't incorporate the polytheistic tradition
of cutting a human head off...
putting a head of an animal onto it...
if christianity is to be a serious monotheism...
which it clearly isn't...
no other religion has experienced so many
schisms... islam experienced 1...
judaism? what schism?
jews the levites and jews
the globalist cosmopolitan progressives...
judaism is probably more of an ethnic
awareness than a religious: something or
other...
you can't really distinguish
a hebrew from a jew or a jew from a yew
or an israelite etc.,
but sure as shit you can tell if you're
talking to an egyptian - who's a muslim...
a bosnian... who's a muslim...
the muslim bit comes later...
etc.,
but i clearly can't find
ecstatic focus in christianity -
gifted with a rich pantheon of saints...
how many saints are noted in everyday
spreschen? it's always: jesus jesus jesus...
like some magical compass -
i'm tired of living in a world
where: only one man was ever proven to have
existed... and to give praise...
i'll have to kneel and suck him off:
for that radiant godhead star filled head
of his will entertain an eureka-orgasm moment!
like... farting and burping at the same time...
or a female orgasm + a diarrhoea spectacular
during a threesome -
if there are 72 virgins in the muslim heaven?
ladies! don't worry... there are three pornstar
actors to ensure your appetites are met...
men and women are the sam..... no! they're not
the same... if you're looking for a man
to match-up to a woman's sexual appetite?
let's face it... after the first child sex for her
becomes 2nd tier...
but prior to the 1st impregnation -
a woman's appetite for sex is much more concentrated
than that of man's...
after all: who wouldn't want to just lie
back and get humpted to a happy-squiddy
spasm wriggle that turns into a zenith cramp...
man and sex: again...
who has the piston parts?
oh god forbid it should become a:
she's on top scenario and she has
to do some squatting! oh god forbid!

- but i simply can't reconcile myself with christianity,
the nag hammadi library (most notably) -
whole the gospel of st. thomas reveals that
jesus liked playing chinese whispers with
his disciplies... i don't understand how any
practicing christian can reconcile -
let alone empower his "faith" by
enforcing the dogmatic gospels with
what the hell happened in 1945,
well... two things:
1. the atomic bomb was dropped...
2. the nag hammadi library was unearthed...
the same magnitude if you settle the argument
in relativistic terms...

but i've seen how the "other" incident
took over... the dead sea scrolls refer to the old
testament - isaiah (prophet) was cut in half...
i don't know which is worse:
being crucified or being cut in half...
the dead sea scrolls are not the nag hammadi
library... the former were found in israel,
the latter? in EGYPT... where did jesus go
as a baby? to E-gypt...
and what does the historian
josephus ben matthias write?
something about an egyptian false prophet...
fits the bill...
i'm so convinced that's the only
certainty i have that's worth my burning heart...
that's why i can't reconcile myself
with christianity...
first of all: no one asked me whether
i wanted to be baptised: let's move the goal
posts about abortion and the current
plague of bachelors fiddling thumbs
and settle the matter: i didn't ask
to be baptised...
a reading or two about the gnostic
heretics and by the time i was 14
or 15 and supposed to oblige myself
to a confirmation - i refused!
i can't reconcile myself with
christianity: what good is this massive
auditorium of the saints...
when no one really bothers to name
the saint protecting the firefighters: st. florian...
st. stephen... the saint of sailors: erasmus...
what about having a day...
celebrating st. vitus... a massive fucking rave...
where people would drop ecstasy pills and dance
till they'd probably die from cardiac arrest?!
how's that? since it's so fucking boring when
all you have in a calendar is christmas...
and easter... personally? i prefer easter...
christmas is so fucking depressing...
at least with easter, in the catholic tradition,
you go with a wicker basket to church
in the morning with some painted eggs,
horseradish, mistletow, a lamb figurine,
salt, pepper,
pieces of pork and have them blessed...
fair enough: plus the celebration
of the resurrection...
i'm cool with easter...
christmas? that pagan shit-show event?
it is well known:
protestants celebrate christmas...
catholics and the orthodox celebrate: easter...
but that's how it is...
christianity... a monotheism... ha ha...
like hell it is... it has had more schisms
than there are gods in some polytheisms...
there have been so many schisms that
you might as well figure out whether the "god"
you're ascribing yourself to is
a 1/3 or a 2/3 scenario... worth sanctifying...
plus all the erotica bound to the music is missing...
the horny monk chants of:
da pacem domine by the templars...

did i mention that i'm fervently bound
to gnosticism?
and it would seem i can reconcile myself
in any religion: apart from my own...
if all there is: is a persistent celebration
of but one man... while the saints are ignored...
what's the point of saints?!
furthermore... why is there a st. michael?!
who would degrade an archangel...
who would disgrace an archangel to a status
of a saint... an archangel disgraced
to be a saint, rather than an angel...
if not the sort of man who would
honor himself to the status of god? who?!

i do respect islam... a religion that wants
to be monotheistic,
has to impose a phonetic encoding on
the mind of a monotheist...
it's so much easier to focus on letters...
specified to its people
than it is to a representation of a deity in
image or statue...
which can be accomplished...
if the image representation is...
spec-tac-ular...
and there are multiple gods...
even norse imagery of the gods is very
unappealing...
since that sort of polytheism broke
the sacred rule of: at least one... at least one...
representing the godhead of elephants...
etc.,
islam is a monotheism...
after all: 1 schism later: no more schisms...
christianity? i'm sorry to say:
i don't really know whether it should
even consider itself a monotheism...
from the plethora of schisms that
came from and within the protestant schism
away from catholicism?
what is it if not a penny
sweet shop, a fucking haribo advert of
the nitty-picky child like pseudo-apologists:
should the arguments take a serious note?

i could reconcile with christianity if i lived
among catholics or the orthodox -
social pressures would be invoked -
i would be the oddity as an ageing bachelor...
but, since i'm living in a protestant nation?
em... england is noted as the global
capital of singletons...
and eccentrics... and michael faraday's...
it's like something happens to people
when they come to these enchanted
islands... notably arriving in their mid
twenties from scotland and settling
with a good view of central london
on the outskirts - 30 minute walk
till you start hearing owls at night,
walk with foxes,
a kestrel on a garden fence,
run with deer,
spot hedgehogs,
unfortunate roadkill badger...
roughly a dozen types of birds
from the perspective of sitting in my garden...
at least 5 more stepping out of my house...

what would be revolutionary? right now?
a sebastian kurz in the vatican...
after all: the head of the church died
aged 33...
or was he an old man?
faith will not "save the west"...
like fuck it will: some bordering-dementia decrepit
old man a year away from status: pope emeritus
will invigorate the church?
i have been to Taizé... probably the best
time of my life...
grandpa can tell old jokes to nuns
while he helps them bake cookies...
o.k. - these old men know nothing but stalling
the: hit the iron while its hot...
never falls on their imagination...
talking to them? you might as well find productive
time hitting a rubber ball in a cube
(i.e. playing squash)...

persistently: i can't reconcile myself with this
religion... two celebrations in a year
while all the possible others go amiss...
why have these "saints" when you have
them as nothing more than dittohead gimps?!
1 perfect example: UNO!
st. vistus feast day:
everyone pops an ecstasy pill and we have
a massive rave in the streets...
a bit like that bingo bingo video on youtube:
the original technoviking video...
instead of sitting gluttnous and
depressed over a christmas dinner!