Matthew Conrad

May 15, 1986 - Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski
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England

as to how it is in england - you could be wishing
for a flower plot instead of bricked up
c.c.t.v. scout stations -
fame by c.c.t.v. -
i can almost imagine someone
in the ivory tower stalking someone,
somewhere...
that rare human connection -
as if the sleaze and the "intrigue" of those
that buy into pop celeb. culture via hello! mag
stash etc.,
i really wouldn't be writing this,
if i hadn't watched the state of academia...
dan-el padilla peralta...
princeton university...
analysis by?
parative epistemic narrative...
holders of privilege will have to surrender their
privilege... in an economy of academic prestige...
governed by scarcity...
white men will have to surrender
their privilege... back of the bus!
(that's funny... bus route no. 86 from romford
to seven kings... em... i sat somewhere in the middle...
the back seats were gladly occupied
by black youths and their white bitches...)
economy of scarcity... every person of colour...
who is to be published: will take the place
of a white man... that would be a future worth striving for...
all this? from the Fiamengo Files with Janice Fiamengo...
never mind, the more i listened to dan-el padilla peralta...
i switched off...
something was nagging me,
there was a comparison, that air of arrogance...
ah! that's it! BRAIN GREMLIN!
considering a milk toast boy could
also sound so arrogant...
Huston: we're transcending race-baiting...
we're moving into Gremlin territory!
it's like that quote from the Departed...
that the Irish were the only race impervious to psychoanalysis...
well i guess i'm of the race that's impervious to
whatever Communism became in the west...
i mean: how will a racial "minority" convince me...
to submit to a western post-colonial repentence
syndrome or whatever they want to call it...
sure... the Germans paid reperations to the Jews
for the holocaust... Reggie Rosshandler...
darling old women... she received a paycheck from
the Germans till her death...
but she was directly affected by the holocaust...
guess someone was sleeping in h'america...
now? when... the people directly affected by
slavery... are what? slaving history for some schmuck
to get a paycheck while they're turning in
their graves?
that's cruel man... that's really shitty...
why do i even have to write this?!
i hate getting into politics, esp. if it's politics
that succumbs to academia...
i'm not even living in h'america... but every single
time: the h'american cultural export just has
to keep on giving... fine fine... send the music
and the movies... literature? perhaps keep the export
to homosexuals and horny nymphomanic women...
and if we're really going to put racial- this and racial- that...
the colonial history of Poland...
well... the Ukranians certainly felt
to be part of the commonwealth, respecting the king,
but then the aristocracy fucked everything...
the colonial history of Poland...
oh... you mean between 1772 and 1795?
it's a simple 123... years... sure... not as bad as israel...
non-existent... being forced to "assimilate"
into either deutschesprechen or русскийговорить...
so i look at the english speaking world:
hey! i'm trying to manoeuvre here...
the hyenas are circling the scrap remains of
the feast of the one mighty lion... and unicorn (sounds weird)...
i learned the language: but sure as hell
will not learn the culture of capitulation...
Neville Chamberlain came back waving
a piece of paper... someone should have said to him:
sir... you're waving a piece of toilet roll!
i'm just doing what the other groups are already
doing, but i'm a "one man army"...
notably? Polacks probably congregated in one place
on this earth outside of the IV Pepublic...
Chigago...
Polack immigrants affirm one thing:
don't stick together...
well, that was the case with the older generations,
i'm not circa 2004... i'm an ex-pat that goes
back to England 1994... and England 1994 was...
god... it was England...
i could write you myths about England from
the late 20th century... i remember when Hong Kong
was handed over by Blaire and HRH Charlie III...
so yeah: i have a lot of regrets about my colonial past...
which i don't, and never will...
i wonder what sort of hook is coming my way
to catch me out... last time i heard the refugee quotas
were met by Poland... they were accepting
refugees from Ukraine... sure... cheap labour:
england germany and france import cheap labour from
poland... poland imports cheap labour from ukraine
moldova and mongolia...
the circle is complete...
and since china doesn't have
anyone to import - well the numbers just add up...
it's a very cruel world... and so much more cruel
by honesty when it is observed...
lucky me that i don't own a slave-made smartphone...
landline is all i have... and a post-code...
which requires an envelope, some ink,
two licks and a postage stamp...
very primitive technology... you could almost
suspect me of hiding in some Afghan cave...
nonetheless: i don't know how i'm going to reconcile
my "identity" within the confines of speaking an acquired
tongue...
after all: come 2nd come last when
it comes to the mutterzung...
culture of capitulation...
god... i can't do it... i just retract and reply something
akin to: spierdalaj ty niewdzięczny [bleep]!
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