Matthew Conrad

May 15, 1986 - Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski

besides this rememberance

what was remembrance sunday: for me?
oh, you know...
that one minute silence before
a football kick-off between liverpool
and manchester city...

i drink my usual injection of 500ml
of whiskey trying to "measure":
what would be the ideal 7 hours worth
of sleep... to go to bed in 30 minutes
and wake up: as a f*cking sparrow!

but there's no room for anything
beside a seance of "amnesia"...

if you step outside anywhere east of berlin:
you're in eastern europe...
i hate the political over geographical
monotony of custard:
custard! there's never, ever,
anything specific about: eastern europe...
there's no Kiev: that's truly eastern...
there's Warsaw...
there's this foreboding shadow
of history:
even if the iron curtain fell...
the berlin wall was dismnatled...
but now? a shadow history...
russophobia and everything intelligent
surviving in england surrounding
the reading of russian writers
of the 19th century...

incels: what's so frightening about their
existence? haven't you heard?
the death of europe
and that whole douglas murray
parade?
i'm not going to "compete" or confine:
i... i simply do not have: "any beef with it"...
yes: the subtle death
and "now"? the walking abortions...
if not dead prior to birth...
then at least dead
paired up with an erect spine
and walking... and managing to use
hammers...
oh such a better fate...

but in the eastern parts of europe:
"europe" isn't dying...
the limited scope of immigration
is not a "xenophobic" thing...
or a "cultural", "thing"...
it's a... language "thing"...
too bad that the only Polack ref.
in pop culture is done by
michael fassbender in x-men: apocalypse...
Poland... the shy recluse of nation:
the anonymity of cosorts...
among nations raised:
and the nations: belittled...

fair enough: the church and state
"dichotomy" and divorce...
to be wordly is to be...
dissociated with the state...
but this second divorce is
crippling... i can understand the divorce
of the church from the state:
yet how the Vatican (church-state)
flourishes... still...
in its "ultimate" decay...

but this second divorce...
a gray people in general...
a bundle of grammatical pokes and prisms...
what does this 2nd divorce consist
of in secularism?
to be deviant of church and state...
understood...
but to be "freed" from a nation-state?
i'm a brute at wits'-end of
half-baking sincerity of opinion
for liberalism...
i too want to be free:
but i can only be free when i have
some sort of constraints opposing me...

what is opposing me,
when... everything has, become,
abstract? there no acceptable grammar
these days, is there?!

england france and german
remember all too well the first world war...
the first world war somehow
matters... i don't know...
does it? as someone born in Poland
any ancestor would have been
enlisted in either the Russian,
the Prussian or the Austro-Hungarian army...

the 2nd world war? oh sure!
that makes sense!
the "free" people were fighting the most ideal
war! they had: nazis as enemies!
nazis were the most perfect enemies
to be had...
there wouldn't be any Star Wars
or Indiana Jones to leave a p.s. if there weren't
any nazis...
at least the nazis were the most
perfect "evil"... because they were much more
than an evil: they transcended evil
in that they became an: antithesis...
cold, constructed, much later
commercialized "opposition"...

yet the first world war is most clingy to
the memory... in the west...
the war to end all wars...
more like... the great incest war...
as far as i am concerned...
george V, wilhelm II, nicholas II...
the turks: oh the turks: why wouldn't they meddle?
in relation?
one family waged this war...
why the hell is it worth our memory:
that sacrificial minute of silence?

george V: Victoria's grandson...
wilhelm II: ditto...
nicholas II: cousin of georgie zee fünfte...

great war my ass: more like the war
of incest / inbreeding...
in the west the 1st war is held to dear
account... in the east: the 2nd world war...
no wonder: in the 2nd London
was the blitz magnet...
but the "evil" is not exactly easy
to place... or distinct enough
to lend a hand in creating the remaining
of what became 20th century
culture...

nazis: yes... evil... evil...
but at least the most pristine antagonists...
pompous and well-attired...
with swastikas like st. peter's christianity:
up-side down...
looks like they also managed to catch
the modern europeans napping...

what will this new divorce, yield?
if there's no church and its concubine the state...
fair enough...
if there's no "state" and a nation?
fair enough: twice over!
but now... well with no grammar and
having to be confined to
"abstraction"...
if only i were a solipsist and all of this
was in my head...
god... i'd love to have been alive
100 years ago and having
in my hands... this diatribe revelation
about how:
the english language was to become
deconstructed by tran-sexuals...
i'd add: then freddy mercury cried
very vain tears...
because his mein kampf wasn't even
the tip of the iceberg!

immigration isn't a problem in the "east"...
because: well Polish isn't exactly
a popular language, is it?!
oddly enough it's not the tulip-factory
north of Brussels either...
but english is no longer a people,
as such... it's an amputated limb
that has been given enough
radiation to spawn a few braincells
and having learned to wriggle...
has created for itself an automaton mouth
that will blindly slurp up anything it
touches in its national antithesis
juices of carrot soup...

what the irish or the welsh would
have minded as a: plus-plus... 100 years ago...
i haven't grown up to learn to
hate the english, or to love them,
i learned to sense an immediacy of their: dasein
(there's being, i.e. there's a "there" and
there's an existence of a there) -

the former colonial powers are
crumbling and no one knows what to do about it...
or... the only thing that saved england:
or envisioned in it a transcendental
potency was their...
having succumbed to Roman rule...
the Roman conquest of Britian isn't anything
shy of a celebration...
imagine me: coming from a land that
was not conquered by Rome...
"somehow" using the Roman bundle
of phonetic encoding...
as if: i were never to have invented
my own letters: or codes of silence...

or by care to weave deceit and intrigue...
glagolitic or runes or...
"borrowing from a greek" an alternative?
a language so accessible...
any "retard" could grasp it...

the divorce of the church from state:
and what mighty nations arose...
but... this current divorce of the nation
from the state?
where is anyone supposed to go:
to an "anywhere", when also being
bombarded by grammatical revisions
of a phallus turned into a tongue
turned into an oyster turned
into a fleshy-pillow to pat into orgasm
upon being fated to:
the dodo project?

i feel inclined to be crucified...
not for any ills or wrong-doing...
but merely to satiate a schedule...
the whole affair of the: cosmopolitan messiah
is ridiculous to begin with...
and to have come up with
this whole anglophonic jurisprudence of:
innocent until proven guilty...
worked from the canvas of:
there's neither innocence or guilt
to be minded with the crucifixion...
there isn't really any:
guilty until proven innocent bargain
of narrative either...
jesus is crucified...
water freezes in winter...
it's such a dull fact...
it's such a dull fact that russian
writers have to ask for genius from off of it...

we in our multitude occupy a burden
for any clarity to later sentence ourselves
toward: a splendour of the universe...
a claustrophobia of history that gives
precedence to... two or three people...
and that's what human history has really become:
a blocked toilet consisting of
two or three floating turds...
forget the minor prophets...
forget the greek demigod myths...

even these days: the russians are confused
as to why they're supposed to be this
new: replacing grand evil genius
compensating the non-existing nazi germany...
as far as i am concerned:
nazi-germany pushed the anglophonic
narrative for some time...
with its antithesis purity, p.s. "evil"...

cousins bickering:
this is hardly, a, celebration...
but something of a celebrated evil is missing...
something beside the individualistic focus
of the fates... brute instances of
the extremities...
the banality of evil...
the mediocre nazi that could pave
the way for: star wars etc.

now i could pack my bags and head back "east"...
there's nothing hold me "here":
in a London that's worth more
a memory than an actual physical credibility
for touch and focus...
perhaps i'm fond of watching
"things" decay?

who can't deny an affair with
post-colonialism...
only a few days ago: Lawrence of Arabia on the t.v.,
the British meddling with the affairs
of the Arabs counter the Turks...
now the Arabs come with their lamborghini
to a whore-strip of Knightsbridge
London to rev. pick up cheap cuss
and... never... for the love of god...
ever... make it to Hockenheimring
(Baden-Württemberg)...
whatever the hell the Quran gave to the Arabs
in terms of boasting about
nobility and translating Aristotle
while dark ages Europe "forgot"...
well... the fuck are these camel-jockeys
doing with a lamborghini on Knightsbridge...
pretending to "race" mid-traffic?

own a lamborghini... but never give it...
why not begin learning to own
a budgie in a cage...
contemplating the freedom of crows...
momentarily perched on a roof?!
how's that?

to have to remember the sacrifices
of the first world war...
good... because when it comes
to the 2nd world war...
the only things worth remembering
are: the london blitz...
sending off the children
to the countryside to learn about:
where milk comes from...
and... a steven spielberg film about
a Ryan...

the war of incest... well... "incest"...
if the 2nd world war was worth fighting...
it was only because of
"something" that stopped resembling
the grey attire of mud-soaked-and-piss-wetted
anatomy of a brothel of torn
limbs...
what war, currently...
is to be waged?
a war of civility?
what death is to be made spectacle?
of a continent? well... HALF... half of a continent...

what war or rather: what freedom would
be gained?
what was once the counter-culture /
the sub-culture... has now become an all-out
culture-"war"...
cocktails galore...
sooner rather than later...
the australians will be conjuring up
ice-cream made from horseradish for the modern
cuisine expose...
if they've already started with
root parsley... they won't finish there.

HALF of europe is.... "dying a strange death"...
HALF... the other half is...
"xenophobic"... well sorry if the languages per se:
don't make themselves more accessible
to others... it's not "they" teach anything
beside Spanish, French or German in
most of the English secondary schools...
it's not like: Mandarin or Arabic is being
taught...
unlike English: which doesn't really require
a school... but a t.v. screen...
and anyone can gain a broken-english
audacity to perform the menial tasks
better...

that being said:
oh but i am a crude barbarian...
at what gate? i'm not sure...
perhaps the the last gate... Dante's:
verlassen hoffnung alle sie wer eingeben hier -
verlassen sie alle hoffnung
(abandon you! all hope...
punctuation and grammar...
not the best bed-fellows...)
but literally...
verlassen sie alle hoffnung hier wer eingeben...

abandon hope: all you who enter here...
so much for: alle hoffnung...
so much für "etwas" auch...
depending and "no critique"...
i was sure you could write in english grammar
a little bit of german...
eh... i cherish the fact that i concede
to being wrong.
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