Matthew Conrad

May 15, 1986 - Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski

a worthy pre-scriptum, implying there's no p.s.

...to prove my point, you could easily replace Bach's goldberg variations (notably in the silence of the lambs - BWV 988 aria) with Guillaume de Machaut's: de fortune me doi plaidre et loer (ballade no. 23)... perhaps not as sophisticated - but then... if you were to transcript everything onto the piano and leave out the violins? i still prefer the piano version of Wagner's entry of the gods into valhalla by Michele Campanella - and... unlike herr weyland - i don't think it's aenemic... it's actually better (a worthy pre-scriptum... cider and music... what else is beside a second take of whiskey... why would i ever succumb to the stereotype of a t.v. zombie? i have a tree to mind, a lunar scythe to count my days, how the clouds always seem to move from west to east... and for all the time of being alone... feeling no sense of loneliness - what an alien concenpt: loneliness - perhaps being the only child i was never allowed to feel lonely... since i was always alone in my confined space outside the usual realm of familial rituals of dinner... there is always something imploring me to find it... loneliness... what an alien concept... melancholy i can understand - when it sometimes sharpens its signature on my heart and mind and if i've drunk enough - i will cry at beauty... but only a beauty found in music... plus... a Michel de Montaigne would attest with me... melancholy - elevated from the modern clinical depression (and pharmacological circus of the penny sweets arcade) is perhaps the most forthcoming canvas for reflection... i esp. admire the melancholic realm of sarcastic ridicule - esp. if it comes in tinge sprinkled with self-deprecating humor - if not after a while becoming a sort of... hubris.

sure - anyone can be a Bukowski-esque
thug intellectual -
i'm not ready to peacock -
or to stand like some angry male turkey -
i imagine it must be hard
to be living in the shadow of a father
beating you - you end up fighting anyone
in the alleys after a few beers...
fighting so many men to prove
you weren't the coward who didn't
go to war - well: if you had german roots
as bukowski: no wonder you wouldn't
go...
but the fact that you had
to fight so many other men -
and not even slap your father's face
from all the beating you received...
no wonder you'd end up playing the
tough macho man...
but sure as shit he sorted the current
incel debacle -
if i were in his shoes -
aged 28... yeah... that would be the sort
of time i'd say: fuck it...
off to the brothel with me!
i had the sort of sex life as a butterfly
has 2 weeks to amaze...
that's plenty -
18 through to 21...
the odd moments after 21...
and since 21 through to 33 voluntarily
abstinent - again...
5 or 6 times in a brothel...
once picking up a thai bisexual in a park:
jazz, some beers... fucking in the garden...
i'll admit... bisexual? thai?
there's such a concept known as
the 'thai surprise'... right up to the moment
of putting my hand into her trousers
i honestly didn't know what i was going
to find...
and lucky for me i didn't lose my virginity
to a prostitute...
even though: that would have
been just fine... i'll still glorify the honest
transaction - i can hardly imagine myself
lying - or whatever the hell they do
in the pick-up community...
i'm a terrible liar...
bukwoski though:
intellectual thug -
there he goes again citing some classical
music... fair enough...
but of the modern composers?
it would seem by classic.fm standard weekly
chart - and 1pm through to 3pm weekdays
when the audience chooses the music?
motion picture composers...
john williams, hans zimmer,
james horner,
thomas newman,
danny elfman,
ennio morricone,
maurice jarr,
howard shaw (psst...
christopher young... hellraiser soundtrack)...
well if you were brought up on
classical music... yawn...
modern composers?
ola gjeilo...
i could lie about my:
highbrow tastes of classical music -
jazz got in the way...
and besides - most people these days
tend to want music they can directly associate with
images already given - nothing conjured
from the gaping hole...
i had to get out move on...
folk... rock:
in extremo - rotes haar:
don't ask, there a point in this song
where i imagine Stańczyk
dancing in the middle of a whirlwind
of dwarves and other elevated superficialities...
as there are many other examples
of the: wiederbelebt volkstümlich geist von musik...
as there's a secret corner away from
classical music: the pre-Bach / pre-polyphony
surprise...
akin to orff's carma burana -
llibre vermell de monsterrat:
cuncti simus concanentes,
los set gotx
stella splendens...
o virgo splendens,
polurum regina...
or... any byzantine chants...
for that matter:
chant of the templars - da pacem domine...
or walther von der vogelweide - palästinalied...
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