Matthew Conrad

May 15, 1986 - Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski

a 20 year hiatus in gaming

no one will "really" see it...
so why bother even writing "it"?

point in question...

NativLang's
video
Features English is missing -
but most other languages have...

even i wasn't as condescending
about english: as that...
all i once stated was...

where are the diacritical marks?
i didn't think it "appropriate"
to have to borrow explanations
from other languages...
esp. ones that did not confine
themselves within the confines:

why won't this Latin, fucker, die!
the tongue's dead:
but i'm still optically bound
to a and not α...
p but not a π...

random incident...
there i was, "thinking"
this internet "thing" is getting to me...
have your whiskey and coke...
watch some mundane videos
and then... fuck off...

but no... after all:
i had to overcome:
why bother writing for... no audience?
i had to think of myself
and the other sorry fuck who
might read this back...

with the internet and:
what would my 4 weeks stucks with
my grandparents look like?
i might be 33 but i still have
a book hunger that's equivalent
to being a teenager and a:

oeuvre fetish for stephen king...

well... there was that
sienkiewicz end to the trilogy...
the two books by nietzsche...
a pasternak "grand opus"...
and a knausgaard (yes... no: angstrom...
hence the: aa... to prolong...
god... and if no fucking umlaut
"hovering" above the vowel...
would you, prolong it, also?)

a game... i've been bound to being
stiff as shit when it comes to gaming...
i've been away from gaming
since the last days of PS1...

for some reason... 20 years...
went out of the window...
i never invested in it...
until... what was once NPC labyrinths...
became...
live-player arena events...

game? war robots... here's the statistics...
pilot UXZKJGx honor points 1100 damage 1144482 destroyed
9 robots...
that's beside the point...
in skirmish mode you get to fight in
"predestined" hangars...
no "points" - no league tables...
if everyone just had an equal chance...

winning team: league status:
champion, expert III, expert II,
expert III, expert III, gold II...

losing team? league status:
champion, champion, champion,
champion, no league (transition)...
bronze I...

beside the point...
games have changed so much... it's good enough
to occupy a man's thought as to what
has changed... EVERYTHING!
what console? what NPC labyrinth narratives:
games like novels?
what of it?!

i do remember what games were like...
final fantasy VII... or tenchu: stealth assassins...
pixel grit shit... you could see cubes
the size of ears and all that lovely bollocks...
mario bros warped into 3D space...

and then an interlude...
give it a 20 year "hiatus" and: i'm more hooked than
ever!
i ended my console ownership days with
a PS1... i longed for a PS2...
i own a gramaphone... instead...
but this modern advent of gaming:
thanks to the internet?

war robots: skirmish mode...
a 3 day spectacular once every two weeks...
once upon, once upon a time...
you'd run mad into a shop when
a new release was happening
and buy a game for... roughy 20 quid...

oh these modern games are free...
free if you have the patience and the stomach
for "cheating"... not "cheating" akin to
skim reading: walkthroughs because
you had to do homework...

i mean: in-game purchases...
falcon - £4.49... 93% off!
invader (+500 gold)... £42.49... 165% off!

i'm sorry... what was "gamergate"?
what was this... anita sarkeesian "vs." saargon of akkad
i'm sorry... i'm been away from gaming
for the past 20 years...

feminism, in gaming?
em... so no one remembers the fact that
there was no non-NPC arena style of gaming...
when you could learn from human mistakes...
in-game...

oh sure... the games are rigged...
even in the games' lotteries...
you will chance a better prize: if you have only
bought an in-game purchase...
the game is... totally free though...

i've seen various versions of war robots
emerge... don't ask me how
i managed to amount a line-up
of fury - with 3x zeus...
lancelot - with 2x orkans (and thunder)
griffin - 2x taran + 2x magnum
rogatka - 2x orkan...

well i didn't exactly pay any in-game "cheat codes"...
did i?

skirmish meode / non-rank =
no one gets to explopit in-game payment
advantages...
you can be on a team with only 1 champion,
being an expert tier III...
and beat four champions...

gone are the days of solipsistic gaming...
i can imagine how gaming will not look
like in that: never will, again...
it will no longer be akin
to a movie... or... a book...
the narrative-and-NPC superstructure is
void...
as long as casual conversations
over a beer or coffee...

worthwhile break then... from gaming...
apart from the fact that most of these
games are rigged...
the in-game purchases...
and they come from the most usual suspect
geographic regions...
russia, ukraine, china, h'america...
the arabian peninsula...

patience is also a game worth playing...
not that much can be added or
subtracted from it...
milking cows is also a theme i'd love
to study with the help of cubism...
alas! not to be...

i still can't begin to fathom the economic
model of modern gaming for
a consumer...
the in-game purchases contrasting with
the old model...
hard to imagine...
the long-gone and evaporated anticipation:
fever-pitch mentality...

you didn't own the game...
you read reviews about it from gaming samplers...
etc... and then you dished out 20 quid
for the game and were allowed to play it...
now? games pop up like mushrooms!
stealth fungus prodding their ugly
heads here and there...
you play the game...
but then have to "realise"...
that... because it's "free"?
you'll "have to" pay for the game "after"...
otherwise... you will not progress in the game...

what a distubring thought...
you can progress in the game...
after all: these games do not function with
a standard narrative structure filled with NPCs...
these games are inexhaustible...
since this is an "IRL" arena simulation...
team-work... blah blah...

you will sometimes hear of those desperados:
who will scam someone for google playatore
giftcards in order to make these in-game purchases...
these... advantages...
like stealing in reverse:
no balls for mugging or breaking-in...
just... faking IRS / tax office personel
and finding their sleepy Shaun for the taking...

might as well end it there:
because i just love the expectation of having
written this for an audience of: 0...
somehow... not gagging for the clickbait crowd
either...
but... alas... the neon-gaze of the screen...
no soft leather-sentiment of a printed word
on paper...
no binge reading with this 'un...

insomnia bulldozer and...
spam or scam / -inning it?
whichever it is... if it has no immediate impetus
(as it won't)... perhaps a love letter
for someone with an archeological allure
of... hoarding: with a premonition of
this being something: they might rather want,
as having been found.
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