I look at the ashes of my life everyday
The cigarette caresses my lips
I rub my lips with the butt hoping to jar loose some old love from an old flame
Something to think about as I’m on deaths door
But cigs know me too well, and they know it’s the most action I’ve got in years
The breath taken in hits the mucus in my lungs
And I drink, oh do I drink to my hearts content
The continuous noxious breath in is killing me
It’s like I don’t want to breath unless I’m also stimulated inherently by the thing I’m breathing in
This love affair, I wish it would grow dark and I could lose love
But no its too accompanying to my loneliness
My heart and lungs are bound and gagged to speak nothing, you only hear the words death echoing over and over again
Even if I could speak about my condition it would sound like mumbo jumbo
So I write instead and I write what I need to survive
I breath in the plague and it shows me I don’t need to care about anything else again ever, only it
It humbles you, it tells you that you don’t have much time to make life’s fruitions
So I live fast and love hard but not as hard as I love it
I’ve accepted my lot in life, I’m a smoker, but
I still look at the ashes of my life everyday and I’m scared that inside, all I am is dying ash