Jeffrey Pipes Guice

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Hébert Versus LaRuth

So every Cajun has heard da legend...
Of da gator wrestla’ named Hébert Boudreaux...
He wrestled dem gators in da bayou...
First he beat ‘em, den he let ‘em go...

Sometimes da gators wanted a redo...
Dey claimed dat Hébert used to cheat...
Dey said Hébert used his secret move...
Dat would trow da gators right off dere feet...

Hébert used to scoff at da gators...
He claimed dey were nuttin’ but sore losers...
Hébert yelled “quit ya whining, you lazy gators!”
He said dey were nuttin’ but hungover boozers...

“Dem gators stay out all night...
And drink dem selves into a stupa!”
Den they want to sleep it off all dey...
And I kick dem all back on dere poopa!”

Alligator wrestling in the Louisiana bayou...
Has never been for da faint at heart...
It requires a Cajun to tink like a gator...
And Hébert was ready to play da part...

You see, Hébert was raised on da bayou...
His daddy left him when he was just a kid...
So Hébert had to play in da swamps...
And fightin’ gators was just what he did...

You know, Hébert knew most of da gators...
He even knew dem by dere first names...
He learned early on how da gators fought...
Studied dem as dey played dere games...

Hébert learned dat da gators...
Had a weak spot back near dere tails...
If he could lift dem up on dere hind legs...
He could pin da gators backwards, if all else fails...

Pretty soon he pinned all dem gators...
No gators could beat dat Hébert...
Soon dey all started complainin’...
Dat Hébert wasn’t fightin’ so fair...

Den one day, a new gator came to da bayou...
He said he was lookin’ for a fight...
He challenged Hébert to a wrestin’ match...
Wanted to wrestle Hébert dat very night...

Hébert quickly accepted da challenge...
He felt confident he could whip dat dere gator...
“Dere’s not a gator in Louisiana I can’t beat...
Not even dis ugly green agitator!”

Da gator didn’t take too kindly...
To all of Hébert’s shuckin and jive...
“If Hébert don’t put a pirogue in his mouth...
I’m going eat dat old boy alive!”

As da summer sun began to set...
And da stars lit up da night...
All da gators came to da swamp...
To witness dis terrible fight...

Hébert jumped on da gator’s back...
And tried his best move to pin his foe...
But da gator pulled a triple reverse move...
Drowning Hébert as he screamed “let me go!”

Underwater da two fighters had gone...
Before long da water stood still...
After a few minutes, da gator returned to the top...
And belched after having his fill...

No one ever heard again from Hébert...
All his braggin’ had stopped as well...
But da legend of Hébert Boudreaux...
Is a story all Cajuns like to tell...

You see, da Cajuns tell da story one way...
But all da gators know da real truth...
About da night da gators beat da Cajuns...
And the legend of da gator named LaRuth...

© 2020 Jeffrey Pipes Guice
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