Aras Acolipeps

May 9, 2007 - Sanibel Island
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I am the Blood on my Arm

Purple and blue bruises against my skin,
dark and tender like crushed fruit.
Red pours out and I feel so loved,
a moment that I am not me.

It's like beauty and love,
when I cut into my flesh.
Like tender kisses pressed into skin,
I am alive within these four walls.

My reflection isn't me,
not that thing looking back.
It's ugly and I hate it,
it's not me, not that thing.

I'm the shadow in the room,
I'm the red inside the sink,
I'm the blue on the pink wall,
I'm the paint that cracks with age.

I am nothing in this bathroom,
I am God and I am the atheist.
I am anything, anyone,
but never, never, me.

Anger bubbles up, spills out,
Unrighteousness, envy, betrayal.
Why was I left behind?
To rot inside my grave?

Watch me burn!
I hate this prison you've forced me into.
It wasn't my price to pay,
but I paid in full.

It isn't fair, so I'll do it once more.
I'll make myself the victim again,
so that it's true, so that it's real.
This blood on my arm is real.

I need anything but this.
My head is aching.
The room is dark, unlit, empty.
The room and I are the same.

I can feel death lingering over me,
a cape of boulders and weights,
all things heavy.
I am sinking.

I am sad because I am alone.
I am the only one like me,
it's not so great in my world.
Living life like a task.

The air tastes like music.
No, that doesn't make sense.
It isn't poetic.
It's ugly, wrong, not pretty at all.

I read fairytales when I was young,
a thick book of gold paper.
Beautiful letters and red lace bookmark,
I wanted to consume the book, be it.

I am not Cinderella's stepsisters,
I am worse than her stepmother.
I'd eat the mice to see her face.
I am the ashes on her cheek.

I hate Sleeping Beauty!
She deserved nothing more than I.
I wish to sleep for a century.
I am the needle that pricks her finger.

Snow White is so useless,
day after day,
bringing the movement down!
I am the hunter who cuts out her heart.

Rapunzel is so idiotic!
Why does she have blonde hair?
I wanted to be a white girl like her.
I'm the guards that hang a thief.

Anna is so lucky.
My sister was never kind,
I'd settle for childhood memories.
I am the ice within her heart.

Jasmine is the only princess I could be,
fuck that racist barrier!
I'm tired of silent women.
I am the age-old rules that silence her.

Fuck the princesses.
They never felt this way.
They never knew empty or angry.
I am resent. I am envy. I am tired.

I miss my sharp knife.
My skin was smooth, like butter.
My soul is marred.
I am covered in blood.

I am the crushed fruit.
I am the oxymoron.
I am the broken crown.
I am the blood on my arm.
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