I have been hiding my wings for a long time but not in the ways you would think.
My wings have only ever been a thought in my head and a dull throb in my back but there are days when I wonder what would happen if I let them out,
what would they look like how would it feel would they all hate me or be afraid? Would they all think I’m a freak? Or would everything be fine and it not be a big deal?
but then there are the days where the throbs are not so dull,
when I can feel the skin on my back bend and split there are days when breathing is barely something my chest can handle,
and there are days when I almost forget the pain in the first place and when I get the thought in my head that now is the time to free my wings I remember the last time I tried.
I was stared at they just stood confused and asked what was going on and that they liked me better like I normally was.
But there is no blame to give it was different and they weren’t ready,
so I forced the wings back in I wonder if I broke them that night I wonder if they would ever work if they ever unfurled.
Some nights I wonder aloud I speak to the moon and tell her it all,
she watches as the pain makes me cry and shines her light to show I’m not alone that someone sees the pain,
and I wonder aloud what it would be like if I didn’t have these wings if I didn’t have to learn about them from books and computers that are not my own but libraries and friends,
and sometimes I wonder if I’m wrong and that the pain is imagined or I’m doing this for attention part of me wonders if I’m real…
But the moon brings me back, and I know that I am real because something else can see me,
can hear me, can listen to me.
Even if she doesn’t understand or know how to help, she sees me and not just the smiles and laughs but the pain and the tears,
the need to hide, and the hope to not be found, worried that my wings will scare them all away.
So here I hide my wings in pain,
here I hide far away, a child with wings that they refuse to release in fear of others fear.
and the lengths the others would go to to feel safe from them once more.
I don’t want to hurt like this, but I fear being alone more than the tears and sleepless nights,
more than the throbbing in my back…even more than the thoughts in my head…
I just don’t want to be left alone. I don’t want to be forgotten just because of my wings.